明白真正所需
Maria從加拿大多倫多大學精算學系畢業，之後到北美最大的金融服務機構之一Bank of Montreal當股票交易員，九年前回到香港，得到數一數二的美資大行垂青，負責私人財產管理。從漂亮的履歷推算，還以為Maria必然是個日忙夜忙、開口閉口都是一大堆數字的女強人。但事實上，她每天多數七時多便放工，她寧願爭取時間和同事查經、帶同事去聽午間福音講座、在教會當執事做事奉。最令人意外的，是有升職機會也不要。
「零七年，公司給我一個晉升的機會，還可以到倫敦培訓，只是升職後便要『跑數』，要不住去競爭，如果市況不好，沒有生意，可能連份工也保不住，壓力會好大。」當時市場一片憧憬，這是不少人渴望得到的大好機會。
只是半年下來，Maria並沒有升職飄飄然的感覺，相反，她的心裡一點也不平安。「眼見身邊一起競爭的人都很aggressive，對自己有一定的壓力，但我根本不希望成為一個aggressive的人，所以經常問自己，將時間和心機全放在這些事情上，又是否真的是自己生命所需？是否可以給予自己意義和價值呢？經過一段時間去思想和禱告，我發現這根本不是我生命所需要的。」
認清自己的職份
於是她作了一般人都認為是「浪費機會」的決定：要求回到原本的工作崗位，感恩的是得到上司的體諒，給她很大的自由度和客人溝通，又不用為營業額煩惱。這次的經歷，讓她看得更清楚自己的「職份」。她相信工作很重要，卻不是生命的全部，要做好工作，先要明白自己的職份。
「做我們這一行，最緊要做好本份，認真地研究，看別人的東西就如自己的一樣，為客人提供真確的分析和資料，不可只求自己的益處，因為一切財富都來自上帝，我的工作就是要有智慧地去做一個財富的管家。而當我可以做到老闆的要求，又滿足到客人，我便會很滿足和開心。」
金融海嘯襲來，對很多金融界人士來說就像惡夢，就算不用為生意額傷腦筋的Maria，看著恆指顛簸，人人的財富如過山車上落，也不無壓力。「也有一兩個客人看到自己的投資失利會埋怨，我當然理解他們的心情，因我個人的投資也一樣有損失，我也會不開心。」
她較幸運，因她認識到比財富更永恆的價值。「要多禱告和尋求神的話語，聖經說：『你們要先求祂的國和祂的義，這些東西都要加給你們了。』要明白我們一切都來自上帝，我們只是做管理的，地上有幾多財寶最後也帶不走。」
眼見有些客人因著金融海嘨對人和事失去信心、沒有安全感，部份同事也過著心驚膽跳的日子，這一切更令Maria覺得讓身邊的人認識神有多重要。所以，她希望用更多的時間，幫身邊的人在不平安的氣氛下重建信心和盼望。
抓緊最重要的事
「看到很多人為了錢付出了很多，心靈受綑綁，沒有平安，只因不認識耶穌。其實當人離開這個世界時，所有物質錢財都是帶不走的，惟有上帝所給的才是最穩妥、堅固的應許。我相信要成為一個蒙福的人，就要與人分享神的愛。我希望工作外，可以令身邊更多人信主。」
所以，遇到有福音講座、佈道會，她便力邀同事參與；去年，Maria更在公司內發起查經小組，參加的人由開始時的十個八個，到現在已達三四十位成員，而且當中更有不少未信的同事。透過查經的時間，讓神的話語去幫助各人面對自己的路。
「記得在一次查經聚會中，有同事說面對公司裁員感到很驚惶，當中包括一位信了但未受洗的女同事。剛好那天分享的信息就是：『你所求的，若神沒有應允，祂必預備了一些更好的東西給你』，而重要的不是會否被人炒魷魚，而是我們能否抓緊神給我們的應許。不幸地，兩個星期後，那位女同事真的不在了（被辭退了），我雖然也不開心，但好感恩神讓她聽到之前分享的信息，希望她能抓緊神的應許：祂必預備了一些更好的東西給你。」
得著生命的價值
除了搞查經班，Maria 亦身體力行在工作崗位上作神的見證：「大概三年前，公司來了一位新上司，他的性格比較緊張和急燥，發起脾氣來更會說粗話，令我很難受，有一段日子甚至令我不想上班。於是我惟有每日上班前都為他祈禱，也求神給我愛心，去忍耐和面對。但有一天，我終覺得忍無可忍，神給我膽量送了張金句卡給他，寫著：『污穢的言語一句不可出口，只要隨事說造就人的好話，叫聽見的人得益處。』(弗 4：29)我更將『愛是恆久忍耐，又有恩慈；愛是不嫉妒；愛是不自誇，不張狂……』這段經文貼在對方的電腦屏幕上，想不到他竟讓經文貼足一年。」Maria笑著說。
現在她偶爾也會聽到對方不經意地說句「感謝上帝」，雖然距離講信仰還有一大段路程，但她相信福音的種子已經種下：「我栽種了，亞波羅澆灌了，惟有神叫他生長。」(林前3：6)，現在得到對方的尊重，大家可以和睦共處，也夠她感恩了。今年，Maria更當選為教會的執事，她慶幸自己的工作有餘暇，讓她有時間有心力去關心四周的人。「看到金融海嘯，更加相信我們要積財寶在天上，不是在地上。我們最緊要明白自己為什麼而活，明白生命的價值。」
Wednesday, May 27, 2009
The Five Secrets You Must Discover before You Die
The Five Secrets You Must Discover before You Die
I was recently sent a copy of John Izzo’s new book, The Five Secrets You Must Discover Before You Die. I’ve just begun reading it, and so far, it’s great!
John is the host of the popular PBS show which inspired this new book as well as the author of Second Innocence: Rediscovering Joy and Wonder: A Guide to Renewal in Work, Relationships, and Daily Life and Awakening Corporate Soul: Four Paths to Unleash the Power of People at Work.
If Five Secrets turns out to be as good as I think it’s going to be, I have a feeling I’ll be getting my hands on those when I’m done with this time. Watch for a review of Five Secrets, next week. In the meantime, here’s an article from John that gives a nice preview of the book.
What are the secrets to happiness and meaning?
Why do some people find a deep sense of purpose while they are here and die with few regrets while others end their lives bitter and disappointed?
About two years ago I set out to answer that question by asking several thousand people to identify the one person they knew who had lived a long life and found true happiness. It seemed to me that each of us knows at least one person who achieved true success. After receiving over 1,000 nominations, I interviewed 235 people from the age of 59-106 (who had over 18,000 years of life experience) asking them to reflect back on their lives: What brought happiness? What gave meaning? What did they regret? What did they wish they had learned sooner? What did not matter in the end?
These “wise elders” were an incredibly diverse group ranging from a town barber to CEO’s, from poets to native chiefs, Holocaust survivors to war veterans, and represented all the major religions and cultures of our society. My goal was not to interview famous people but to identify ordinary people who had found extraordinary happiness. What I discovered were five clear themes of what it means to live a happy and meaningful life (and to die with a smile on your face). In my new book, The Five Secrets You Must Discover Before You Die, I share the five true paths to finding meaning in life and show how we can live these secrets.
1. Be True To Yourself
The first secret I learned from these interviews is Be true to yourself. Each one of us is on a unique human journey and the path to true happiness is to be true to ourselves. This means knowing what brings us happiness and focusing our life on what matters to us. It means reflecting on a regular basis as to whether our life fits our soul. In our daily lives it means knowing what brings us joy and ensuring that we fill our life with the right elements. It also means following our unique destiny. One of the people I interviewed was a Latino woman who talked about the importance of following our “destina.” The idea is that each of us has a path that is most true to us, which is not so much a destination as a way we are meant to be in the world. For example, I am a teacher and philosopher by nature and when I stay close to that path I experience true joy.
Being true to self often means drowning out other voices that would ask us to live their dreams instead of ours. Ron, a gifted chiropractor, told me the story of how he planned to become a medical doctor but when he visited a chiropractor shortly before starting medical school he discovered a profession that connected to his true self. “Others told me I was crazy but I knew it was my path.” He told me that to follow your heart you must have the “discipline to listen and the courage to follow.” This means asking if the life we are living is true to our deepest sense of self and it sometimes requires a step of courage to follow our soul. Are you being true to yourself right now?
2. Leave No Regrets
The second secret I learned is to Leave No Regrets. It seems to me that what we fear most as we age is not death, but rather to come to the end of our life feeling that we never truly lived. The saddest words ever spoken at the end of life are “I wish I had…” Tom, a native healer, told me that the great fear at the end of life is “the great incompleteness; that you did not do what you came here to do.” One of the most interesting things I discovered in talking to 235 wise people is that almost no one regretted risks they took that did not work out and most said they wished they had risked more. When I asked these people about major crossroads in their lives, many of them talked about taking risks-sometimes large and sometimes small-which wound up bringing great happiness. One of the keys to moving towards what we want instead of what we fear is to focus on the best possible result and not the worst. Are you going for what you truly want in your life or acting with fear.
3. Become Love
Become Love was the third secret I learned from these people. Not surprisingly, the greatest source of happiness for people and the largest place of regret had to do with people. What I discovered is that those who made people a priority in their lives and who developed deep personal relationships found true happiness. Many of them told me that “things” rarely brought true joy whereas family and friends brought lasting happiness. One way to focus on relationships is to get intentional goals for our personal relationships just like we do in our careers.
Yet the most interesting thing I uncovered is that being a loving person, the choice to give love, is even more important in determining happiness than getting it. These people talked to me about the importance of choosing love and kindness as your way in the world. They taught me that when we choose to be a loving person we find a deep sense of meaning in life.
4. Live the Moment
The fourth secret was to Live the Moment. One of the most common things people told me was how fast life goes by and how important it is to enjoy each moment. One woman told me “when you are young you think sixty years is an incredibly long time but when you get there you realize it was only a moment.” Among the secrets they shared were how important it is to live in the present, to fully enjoy whatever experience you are having (and not to wish you were somewhere else), and to live with gratitude focusing on what you are grateful for rather than what you don’t have. They told me that we have no power over the past and little power over the future. Many of them said that whenever you find yourself saying “I will be happy when or I will be happy if” that it is important to remember that happiness is a choice we make inside. One woman told me: “You have to stop judging your life and start living your life. Stop keeping score trying to decide if you are winning. Instead live each day fully and stay in the moment.” Are you living with gratitude right now, focusing on enjoying your life rather than judging it?
5 Give More Than You Take
The fifth and final secret was to Give More Than You Take. When I asked people what gave their life the greatest meaning, people told me again and again people that being of service and knowing that you made things better because you were here was by far the greatest source of meaning. I learned that whether in career or personal life, that it is what we give not what we take that gives life meaning. Many of them also reminded me that we have little control over what we get from the world every day (whether people will love us, whether we will win the lottery, etc.) but we have complete control over what we give to the world (whether we choose to be kind, charitable, and to give to others). These people reminded me that everything we take from the world dies with us, but everything we give to the world gets recycled. A wise woman named Susan told me that “when we are young we cry for ourselves but as we age we learn to cry for the world.” Indeed all the spiritual traditions remind us that true happiness comes from focusing on being of service and in the process joy finds us. Are you focused on giving or getting each day?
You Must Live the Secrets
What I also discovered is that it is not enough to know the secrets, we must live them. One man told me “many of us know what is important but it is not enough to know, you have to put these things into practice.” These people taught me a great deal about how to live the secrets as well and I share many of their techniques in the book. One of my favorites was sixty-four year old Joel who told me about how he reminds himself each day to live the moment. “When I wake up the first thing I do is say a prayer thanking God and the universe that I get to live one more day and I pray that I will treat it as a gift. At night, just before I go to bed, I have a time of meditation and remember all the things that I am grateful for that day and ask for one more day.”
Copyright © 2008 John B Izzo John Izzo, Ph.D. is the bestselling author of Second Innocence: Rediscovering Joy and Wonder: A Guide to Renewal in Work, Relationships, and Daily Life and host of the public television series The Five Things You Must Discover Before You Die. Holding advanced degrees in religion and psychology, Izzo has spoken to over one million people on four continents about living more purposeful lives. More information about Mr. Izzo can be found at www.theizzogroup.com.
I was recently sent a copy of John Izzo’s new book, The Five Secrets You Must Discover Before You Die. I’ve just begun reading it, and so far, it’s great!
John is the host of the popular PBS show which inspired this new book as well as the author of Second Innocence: Rediscovering Joy and Wonder: A Guide to Renewal in Work, Relationships, and Daily Life and Awakening Corporate Soul: Four Paths to Unleash the Power of People at Work.
If Five Secrets turns out to be as good as I think it’s going to be, I have a feeling I’ll be getting my hands on those when I’m done with this time. Watch for a review of Five Secrets, next week. In the meantime, here’s an article from John that gives a nice preview of the book.
What are the secrets to happiness and meaning?
Why do some people find a deep sense of purpose while they are here and die with few regrets while others end their lives bitter and disappointed?
About two years ago I set out to answer that question by asking several thousand people to identify the one person they knew who had lived a long life and found true happiness. It seemed to me that each of us knows at least one person who achieved true success. After receiving over 1,000 nominations, I interviewed 235 people from the age of 59-106 (who had over 18,000 years of life experience) asking them to reflect back on their lives: What brought happiness? What gave meaning? What did they regret? What did they wish they had learned sooner? What did not matter in the end?
These “wise elders” were an incredibly diverse group ranging from a town barber to CEO’s, from poets to native chiefs, Holocaust survivors to war veterans, and represented all the major religions and cultures of our society. My goal was not to interview famous people but to identify ordinary people who had found extraordinary happiness. What I discovered were five clear themes of what it means to live a happy and meaningful life (and to die with a smile on your face). In my new book, The Five Secrets You Must Discover Before You Die, I share the five true paths to finding meaning in life and show how we can live these secrets.
1. Be True To Yourself
The first secret I learned from these interviews is Be true to yourself. Each one of us is on a unique human journey and the path to true happiness is to be true to ourselves. This means knowing what brings us happiness and focusing our life on what matters to us. It means reflecting on a regular basis as to whether our life fits our soul. In our daily lives it means knowing what brings us joy and ensuring that we fill our life with the right elements. It also means following our unique destiny. One of the people I interviewed was a Latino woman who talked about the importance of following our “destina.” The idea is that each of us has a path that is most true to us, which is not so much a destination as a way we are meant to be in the world. For example, I am a teacher and philosopher by nature and when I stay close to that path I experience true joy.
Being true to self often means drowning out other voices that would ask us to live their dreams instead of ours. Ron, a gifted chiropractor, told me the story of how he planned to become a medical doctor but when he visited a chiropractor shortly before starting medical school he discovered a profession that connected to his true self. “Others told me I was crazy but I knew it was my path.” He told me that to follow your heart you must have the “discipline to listen and the courage to follow.” This means asking if the life we are living is true to our deepest sense of self and it sometimes requires a step of courage to follow our soul. Are you being true to yourself right now?
2. Leave No Regrets
The second secret I learned is to Leave No Regrets. It seems to me that what we fear most as we age is not death, but rather to come to the end of our life feeling that we never truly lived. The saddest words ever spoken at the end of life are “I wish I had…” Tom, a native healer, told me that the great fear at the end of life is “the great incompleteness; that you did not do what you came here to do.” One of the most interesting things I discovered in talking to 235 wise people is that almost no one regretted risks they took that did not work out and most said they wished they had risked more. When I asked these people about major crossroads in their lives, many of them talked about taking risks-sometimes large and sometimes small-which wound up bringing great happiness. One of the keys to moving towards what we want instead of what we fear is to focus on the best possible result and not the worst. Are you going for what you truly want in your life or acting with fear.
3. Become Love
Become Love was the third secret I learned from these people. Not surprisingly, the greatest source of happiness for people and the largest place of regret had to do with people. What I discovered is that those who made people a priority in their lives and who developed deep personal relationships found true happiness. Many of them told me that “things” rarely brought true joy whereas family and friends brought lasting happiness. One way to focus on relationships is to get intentional goals for our personal relationships just like we do in our careers.
Yet the most interesting thing I uncovered is that being a loving person, the choice to give love, is even more important in determining happiness than getting it. These people talked to me about the importance of choosing love and kindness as your way in the world. They taught me that when we choose to be a loving person we find a deep sense of meaning in life.
4. Live the Moment
The fourth secret was to Live the Moment. One of the most common things people told me was how fast life goes by and how important it is to enjoy each moment. One woman told me “when you are young you think sixty years is an incredibly long time but when you get there you realize it was only a moment.” Among the secrets they shared were how important it is to live in the present, to fully enjoy whatever experience you are having (and not to wish you were somewhere else), and to live with gratitude focusing on what you are grateful for rather than what you don’t have. They told me that we have no power over the past and little power over the future. Many of them said that whenever you find yourself saying “I will be happy when or I will be happy if” that it is important to remember that happiness is a choice we make inside. One woman told me: “You have to stop judging your life and start living your life. Stop keeping score trying to decide if you are winning. Instead live each day fully and stay in the moment.” Are you living with gratitude right now, focusing on enjoying your life rather than judging it?
5 Give More Than You Take
The fifth and final secret was to Give More Than You Take. When I asked people what gave their life the greatest meaning, people told me again and again people that being of service and knowing that you made things better because you were here was by far the greatest source of meaning. I learned that whether in career or personal life, that it is what we give not what we take that gives life meaning. Many of them also reminded me that we have little control over what we get from the world every day (whether people will love us, whether we will win the lottery, etc.) but we have complete control over what we give to the world (whether we choose to be kind, charitable, and to give to others). These people reminded me that everything we take from the world dies with us, but everything we give to the world gets recycled. A wise woman named Susan told me that “when we are young we cry for ourselves but as we age we learn to cry for the world.” Indeed all the spiritual traditions remind us that true happiness comes from focusing on being of service and in the process joy finds us. Are you focused on giving or getting each day?
You Must Live the Secrets
What I also discovered is that it is not enough to know the secrets, we must live them. One man told me “many of us know what is important but it is not enough to know, you have to put these things into practice.” These people taught me a great deal about how to live the secrets as well and I share many of their techniques in the book. One of my favorites was sixty-four year old Joel who told me about how he reminds himself each day to live the moment. “When I wake up the first thing I do is say a prayer thanking God and the universe that I get to live one more day and I pray that I will treat it as a gift. At night, just before I go to bed, I have a time of meditation and remember all the things that I am grateful for that day and ask for one more day.”
Copyright © 2008 John B Izzo John Izzo, Ph.D. is the bestselling author of Second Innocence: Rediscovering Joy and Wonder: A Guide to Renewal in Work, Relationships, and Daily Life and host of the public television series The Five Things You Must Discover Before You Die. Holding advanced degrees in religion and psychology, Izzo has spoken to over one million people on four continents about living more purposeful lives. More information about Mr. Izzo can be found at www.theizzogroup.com.
Thursday, May 7, 2009
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